Swimming & Drowning

And I suppose that it always comes a moment in which you don’t feel anymore. You can’t cry anymore because the tears won’t come out. You can’t shout anymore because you lost your voice after all those wasted screams. You can’t rant anymore because all you have to say is nothing new, nothing you haven’t told. You can’t get scared anymore because you are living your darkest nightmares already. You can’t get anxious anymore because stress and fear are part of who you are now. You can’t be hopeful anymore because every time you wish for the best, you get the worst. That’s the moment in which you know you ran out of emotions. And you believe you should be very happy about that, because you don’t have to care or worry anymore. No more pain. No more sorrow. Just nothing. But deep-inside you are very concerned about your indifference, because you know it is inhumane. Feelings and emotions are part of our humanity: they are part of who we are, for the best and for the worst. So if you don’t have them, something is wrong. Furthermore, I have always believed than when things bottle up, they end up over-flooding, and you either swim to survive or drown to die. I don’t see myself swimming, neither have I seen myself drowning. It is weird. Maybe I’m actually swimming, but after swimming for so long, it is my new walk. Maybe I’m drowning, and the panic phase ended, which would explain why I’m so calm now. I don’t know. Both of these possibilities are equally terrifying.

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